A Lesson in disinterest

vicemag:

Dear Hot Dog and Lady Bun,I think I’m attracted to my new roommate but I don’t know how to say it without ruining our living situation and making things awkward. What should I do? I wanna tell her with the hopes that maybe something will happen.
Hot Dog Shits (Advice) Where You Eat
Falling in love with your roommate is tough, because living with someone doesn’t always present people in the most flattering light. In fact, roommate comes from the Latin root meaning, “Sorry I farted on your couch pillow.” Ideally, a good roommate is like a child at a deaf-mute school: It should seem like they don’t exist until you’re lonely and need someone to drink with, then they crawl out of their quiet hole. (I taught at a weird school.) So obviously, mixing boinking and bunking is dangerous; you’re putting a delicate relationship into peril by forcing it to evolve or die. So here’s some ways to gently test the waters and see if she’s interested in going from roommate to boomboom-mate:
Watching her while she sleeps is a nice, non-creepy way to say, “Hey, I care about you.”
Put an extra slice on the chore wheel simply labeled “Kissing Each Other” and see what she says.
Tell her you need to sign another lease, and after she signs it say, “Surprise! We’re married now!” and hold up the marriage certificate she just signed.
Now that you’ve upped the stakes of the relationship from “living with each other” to “living OUT LOUD with each other,” you’re still going to need to be explicit and tell her how you feel. Here’s some ways to drop the hint that you’ll “clean the toilet” for her “forever”:
“Since we only have one air conditioner, let’s just put it in my bedroom and start sleeping with each other?”
“Hey it’s time for us to pay the electric bill, and also discover each other’s bodies with our hands.”
“Look, if we started sleeping together we could turn your room into that reptile room you always wanted. Oh, was that just my dream? Well, Sir Snakes-A-Lot deserves his own room.”
Continue

ever so funny

Dear Hot Dog and Lady Bun,
I think I’m attracted to my new roommate but I don’t know how to say it without ruining our living situation and making things awkward. What should I do? I wanna tell her with the hopes that maybe something will happen.

Hot Dog Shits (Advice) Where You Eat

Falling in love with your roommate is tough, because living with someone doesn’t always present people in the most flattering light. In fact, roommate comes from the Latin root meaning, “Sorry I farted on your couch pillow.” Ideally, a good roommate is like a child at a deaf-mute school: It should seem like they don’t exist until you’re lonely and need someone to drink with, then they crawl out of their quiet hole. (I taught at a weird school.) So obviously, mixing boinking and bunking is dangerous; you’re putting a delicate relationship into peril by forcing it to evolve or die. So here’s some ways to gently test the waters and see if she’s interested in going from roommate to boomboom-mate:

Watching her while she sleeps is a nice, non-creepy way to say, “Hey, I care about you.”

Put an extra slice on the chore wheel simply labeled “Kissing Each Other” and see what she says.

Tell her you need to sign another lease, and after she signs it say, “Surprise! We’re married now!” and hold up the marriage certificate she just signed.

Now that you’ve upped the stakes of the relationship from “living with each other” to “living OUT LOUD with each other,” you’re still going to need to be explicit and tell her how you feel. Here’s some ways to drop the hint that you’ll “clean the toilet” for her “forever”:

“Since we only have one air conditioner, let’s just put it in my bedroom and start sleeping with each other?”

“Hey it’s time for us to pay the electric bill, and also discover each other’s bodies with our hands.”

“Look, if we started sleeping together we could turn your room into that reptile room you always wanted. Oh, was that just my dream? Well, Sir Snakes-A-Lot deserves his own room.”

Continue

ever so funny

↵ Reblogged from vicemag

Sick

watching the tears gracefully roll down your face, from afar

a gentle and warm breeze warms my frozen skin

as I feel tears roll down the side of my face and further thaw my frozen skin

# poetry

That Nervous feeling that empties your stomach right after eating

.

youngloudandalyssa:

This is so great.

(Source: venganza)

↵ Originally from venganza

↵ Reblogged from youngloudandalyssa

amzkelso:

I was scribbling on photoshop & testing myself out on illustrator, listening to Eisley… Then this happened. They are made for each other… True love~ (♥‿♥)

↵ Reblogged from amzkelso